A Great Site

Narcissism

Vehicles, Mayonnaise, and a Bird

An old beat up white van with paint peeling off revealing the rust lying underneath, a bumper that was now more of an interior aspect from the drunk driver that clashed the front of his bumper into the back end attempting to parallel park, and three similar tires with the back right tire oddly thinner shined its break lights again and again, though kept moving at the same speed.

In an attempt to avoid hitting the stopped car waiting at the red light only meters away the driver twisted the wheel as far right as it would go and just barely missed the taillight, but didn't miss the curb that it pulled itself over, like a rock climber rising to the top of a fifty foot vertical pass without harnesses, onto the grass that it inhaled but spit back out, like a lawnmower of vehicular proportions, at an uncontrollable rate on the side of the highway.

The force of the van seemed to be endless, like the vastness of the oceans upon the horizon, as more and more patches of grass were exiled from their homeland. Finally slowing down, the driver noticed bright lights flashing with a recognizable siren, but where the wheel was he did not know. Looking down where it should be, he saw blood gashing out of his stomach and arms in a pool of blood, like a circumstance of red tide. He decided to take a nap right there on the ground, and a bird landed and laid upon his forehead.

Right as soon as he passed out, his eyes opened once more. His vision was blurry, like a page held too closely to the eyes, so he reached to his nightstand to grab his glasses. His hand sliced through the air that normally held his alarm clock. Severely confused now, he flailed his arms through the air looking for anything recognizable. Nothing was to be found anywhere near.

A high pitched scream exited his mouth, as if a little girl was evading the presence of an assaulting invader and in desperate need of assistance. A nurse ran to the room to check for any problems. Concerned, she pulled the door hard enough to hit it on the outside wall. She burst inside, like cops rushing into find the criminals hiding inside, but a smile lined her face when she saw that he had finally awoke.

“Oh, Frank, I wondered when you would wake up,” she spoke in a quiet tone that barely reached Frank's ears. She went to the dresser on the side of the room and pulled it open to show that it hosted many items. She dug her hands inside as far as they would reach, and after a few moments of digging she found a pair of glasses. She placed them on his face, and his view became clear.

Frank didn't quite understand why she was calling him that, so he muttered “Where did you get the idea that my name was Frank?”

“It says it right here on this ID. It even has your picture and your birthday, “ she tried to justify her nosiness while pushing it to his face.

He sighed as he glared a sort of “what is going on” look at the ID. As he looked at it, he wondered who he was and why he was there. He leaned forward toward the nurse which sent a rush of pain, like a lightning bolt of excruciation, so he quickly laid back down flat. He tried to sum up all of what he was, but a big black hole sucked everything away from being processed.

“Why am I here,” Frank said hungry for answers.

“Well, you were in a car accident a few weeks ago. An ambulance threw you into the hospital, but by the time you were operated on you were in a comatose state, “ the nurse said in a worried tone one would expect to hear from mother.

After hearing this Frank tried once more to remember what had happened. A big bottle of mayonnaise appeared in his mind. His concentration was broken, like an egg falling out of the carton onto the ground, when a knock came to the door with a handle turning. Frank glared at the white hand that reached into the room. Her wavy hair extended a few inches past her shoulders. He thoroughly examined her body declaring in his mind that “she is truly a babe.” Though, as she walked closer he fell into her eyes and stared endlessly in the two hazel abysses.

“MAYONNAISE, Frank? What gave you that idea,” she questioned with cynicism leaking through her lips not noticing how completely enraptured he was.

“What does mayonnaise have to do with anything,” Frank screamed. “Who are you and why does everyone keep calling me that?”

“Well, you're Frank,” sarcastically shooting more words out of her mouth, like a rifle packed full of ammo. “I'm obviously Jenny. You should remember these things, although maybe I like the new you a bit better like this. I don't quite understand how you would forget someone as amazing as me. As for mayonnaise, well, you're the one who came up with the idea of using it as a new power source in your van. I have to admit, though, it works well. Maybe, a little too well.”

Frank studied all she said eager to swallow any information he could get. “Anyway,” she sighed. “We had better get moving.”

The nurse jumped up at Jenny, like a basketball player reaching up to slam dunk. The nurse frowned and said “Frank is in no condition to leave this hospital.”

Jenny leaned out in front of the bed and held out her hand. “So, are you coming with,” she knew the answer yet teased him while twisting her hair between the free hand's fingers. He stared down her shirt at the visible cleavage and blushed touching her hand.

Jenny let out an exasperating sigh. “I'd appreciate it, if you stopped ogling me in public, “ she whispered into his ears while pulling him up.

“If you insist on taking our patient, I'm going to have to call security,” the nurse barked at Jenny, like a rabid dog loose in the streets.

“Work calls. We are leaving. There's nothing you can do about it,” Jenny sang while ignoring the threat.

Frank pulled himself up with the help of Jenny, and he noticed that the pain somehow disappeared and didn't have as much of an effect as it did before, as if Jenny was a panacea to all of his problems.

He stopped and looked deeply into the mirror at a face he didn't seem to recognize. Frizzles of red hair clumped in random places. He thought about how handsome he was, and then he fell into his own eyes. When he dragged himself back out, he knew exactly what had happened, like this portal unlocked his mind once more engulfing the black hole in light.

The nurse blocked the door, as if she had a chance to avoid them from leaving into the outside world. Jenny grabbed her by the shoulders and threw her into the wall. She ripped open the door, slamming it right into the nurse's head.

She grabbed Frank tightly by the arm and dragged him toward the exit. She started running, but as he could not move as fast she started dragging him causing a rug burn. Their attentions were too focussed on getting back to work, which caused them to totally disregard the looks and comments thrown at them by the hospital staff. Her goal was in sight; a glass door shined light, like an exit out of a cave.

The door received her strength too quickly and fell off of its support. Jumping out, she slammed Frank's leg right into the edge of the doorway. They had escaped from the hospital in one piece.

“Your van was totally totaled, but I did salvage the raw energy converter you made,” a worried tone apologized through her lips.

“I was hoping to perfect everything for the contest, but now we just lost a huge chunk of valuable time,” Frank complained.

They walked towards the red Cooper Mini Sedan that held a Canadian flag on the top. Jenny thrust her key into the door and turned. This blasted them with an aroma of a strawberry-banana smoothie coming from the oddly colored pink and yellow pine tree resting silently under the rearview mirror. The seat belts fastened while the car twisted backwards from the parking spot.

“How are we going to pay for the rent without the prize money,” Frank said, worried in his words.

“I highly doubt anyone else has come up with anything nearly as clever as you have,” she reassured him with a sweet smile signifying that all would be fine.

“Well, what day is it now,” Frank said while pondering about the December 23rd contest day.

“Yesterday was the 21st, so that makes today the 22nd,” she answered staring at her lips of the evils she spoke of.

“Tomorrow is the contest,” he yelped.

Her foot pressed the gas pedal completely to the floor increasing overall speed dramatically. She ignored stop signs and red lights, luckily not having any encounters with the police. They arrived at an abandoned warehouse that sported windows every few feet with thick bars covering them and large chains with a lock keeping anything human from getting in without assistance.

“It's good to be back,” Frank sang into the air.

“It's good to have you back,” Jenny responded to him and smiled.

Jenny popped open her trunk and pulled out a huge pair of lock cutters. She ran towards the door full force with a maniacal look on her face and sliced through the thick steel.

“I guess I'm in for another all-nighter,” Frank sighed.

“Before I locked it up, I just took your machine and threw it onto a work table,” Jenny said.

As she pulled open the door it let out a creak, like a yawn after a lengthy nap. She rubbed her arms up and down on the wall inside and flipped on a light switch. A bright flash of light sent all of the creatures scurrying in every direction to find some more ounces of darkness to soak in. Frank's eyes stared straight back at a birds nest hanging from the roof with a large amount of food placed at the bottom of the cage.

“Oh, that's Tina,” Jenny said while pointing at the bronze cage. “She was laying on top of your body, so I got a cage to keep her in while you were away.”

Frank searched around to make sure all was where it was supposed to be. As he approached the messy workbench containing the energy converter he noticed that patches of metal were seen underneath piles and piles of white globs. He slowly pressed his hand inside of the white that completely engulfed it. After a few seconds of feeling around he lifted the converter which rained mayonnaise down onto more mayonnaise.

The bird started singing a soothing melody that Frank started working to. He slid a drawer open with his feet. He thrust his hand into it and pulled out a towel. While he wiped it clean he pondered about what to make it into. The opportunities presented their positives and negatives which caused Frank to rate them from ones to tens. There was one invention to rule them all; one that would power other inventions. Jenny walked towards the door.

“I'll come back with some food. I'm starving,” Jenny said while exiting.

The clock's hands chased one another in a game of duck duck goose. The once soothing melody evolved into the same repetitious song constantly looping on repeat. Frank gritted his teeth, but couldn't control himself from the lack of concentration and screamed, “Could you please shut the hell up,” but the bird wouldn't stop.

A panic attack erupted into a flow of swear words, like a river of Tourettes. He jumped up and rushed towards the door, like an animal attempting to escape while the door is opened. Before he reached the door it plopped open again and two giant bags of Chinese floated towards him with a pair of legs on the underside.

“Sorry I took so long, but I did score some good eatings,” Jenny said in a firm voice, like a mom waiting to be thanked for a good deed.

“Praise the lord,” Frank screamed. “I thought I was going completely mental; oh wait.”

She placed the bags on the ground and ripped them open, like a beast that hasn't ate in over a week. They ate straight on the ground inside the boxes with the chopsticks provided, as there was a lack of dining ware at the warehouse. The color returned the their faces more and more with every bite they swallowed. Frank kept pressing his chopstick into every box lying in front of him, but it kept hitting the bottom of the boxes.

“Awww, there's none left,” Frank whined like a little baby crying for a bottle, but he redeemed himself with “at least what we had was amazing.”

“So, are you almost done working on it,” she asked.

“I've at least figured out that I'm making a generator,” he spoke. “But how well it works is unknown. I'm still ironing out the final details.”

“I'm sure it will be fine,” she reassured him, like a guidance counselor making everything seem better than it actually is.

“I don't know what I would do without you,” he said calmly.

She stood up and walked towards the door waving and saying, “I'm gonna go home. I'll see you later. Don't work too hard.”

She left him to finish with his toiling. The clocks hands stared at Frank as they held hands and separated every hour. He tightened every bolt and decided that it was as ready as it could be. When he placed mayonnaise into the top, it converted it into energy that was available for use down the cylinder's sides in three-pronged electrical outlets. His eyelids dropped with anvils to the floor.

Drool surrounded his wet head, but when his eyes opened to the clock shouting 12:00 to him he jumped up, like a reflex possessed his whole body.

“I was wondering when you'd wake up,” Jenny chuckled at him.

“We bet leave now,” Frank attempted to speak, but the words wouldn't form intelligibly.

“Tina needs some fresh air, so we'll take her with us,” a concerned Jenny said, like a parent looking out for the best intentions of their kid.

They clumped the invention, the bird cage, and some mayonnaise in a pile on the floor that Frank picked up. They ran to the parked car outside, like athletes in a 50M dash that had two choices; winning or dying. Jenny popped open the trunk and Frank threw everything inside the trunk, except for the bird cage which he placed on his lap.

The car screamed a load roar, like a lion marking his territory with sound waves, when she twisted the key. As usual, she pressed the gas pedal as far down as it would go, letting the beast run freely through the open field known as the highway. The minutes turned into hours, or so it seemed, but at 1:47 they finally arrived.

“I totally thought we weren't going to make it on time to the 2:00 deadline,” Frank said sighing a breath of relief. The car slowed down, and when it tapped the curb it stopped completely. They jumped out grabbing the items and started running towards the building's doors. Frank set what he was carrying down in front of the door and held it open for Jenny, who then held it for him as he carried the generator in.

Inside, a help desk was directly forward. The jetted up to it hoping that they were in time.

“I have an invention for this afternoon's contest,” Frank slurred in a hurry, “the deadline is in a few minutes, right?”

“We're sorry, applications were due at nine a.m. for the contest. The two p.m. deadline was to be here on time. Not to register, though,” the help desk lady said in a way that seemed more of an insult than an apology of empathy.

“What do you mean” Frank screamed, like the horn of a car, attracting everyone's attention.

“Well, technically, you were supposed to be registered a long while ago for the contest, but the absolute last minute registration was at nine,” the lady said this time in a scared tone, like a kid after being yelled at by their parent.

“Are you absolutely sure that there is no chance of getting in,” Frank said with a light of hope shining brightly in his stomach.

“I'm sorry. It's just too late. There is another contest in six months, if you'd like to register early for that,” she said optimistically.

“No thanks,” he said, like a person who just lost their last friend or never had any,

“Let's just go home, Jenny.”

A man walked by with a toaster shaped object with two antennae sticking out the side and LEDs on the edges. “Nice bird,” the strange man said while walking through the doorway to the contest.

Jenny and Frank walked to their car, but when they turned the key it wouldn't start. Frank slammed his head into the dashboard repeatedly. Jenny pulled the back of his hair tightly to stop him from moving. They sat around and waited while listening to instrumental music.

“So much for doing something right for once,” Frank whined.

“Everything will be fine; it always is in the end,” Jenny said while patting Frank on the back.

“Yeah, but how are we going to pay the rent,” Frank questioned her optimism.

A rush of people carrying that strange man with a wad of cash in his hand exited the building. They placed him down and all surrounded him to watch his object in action.

“Let's go see what the fuss is about,” Jenny said while pondering about the rent money due in a few days.

Walking up to the man, he said “Hey you two. I won first place!”

“Congratulations,” Jenny said “but you wouldn't have won, if Frank would have got the chance to enter.”

“Watch this,” he said.

He pressed a big red button on the side of the machine, but nothing happened. He waited a few more moments and pressed it again. The LEDs on the side started flashing sporadically.

Just then, the bird freed herself from the cage. She started flying around in random directions over the heads of the spectators. She then dived down into the man's hands and grasped the machine in its talons. Pulling up, she released it from the man's hands and took it up into the air. Using all of her might, she flew higher and higher into the air, but the machine was too heavy to get far. The machine started to make funky noises and exploded engulfing Tina in a fireball.

The remains of the machine and Tina fell to the ground in less than the flicker of a light when it's flipped on. Frank and Jenny ran over to see if Tina was okay, but the fire was too much for her frail body.

The strange man dropped a tear from his eye. “Take this,” he said while handing over the prize money. “I know it's no replacement, but this is all I have to offer.”

Frank grabbed the money but started crying. “At least she will be remembered as a hero.”

Jenny and Frank started walking to the car, but stared at the ground, as if they were studying the details of the pattern engraved on it. They sat into the car, and this time it turned on. They drove straight home without speaking a word to another.

They had enough money to pay for the rent, and then some. Frank started a company to sell his inventions. He creates many different and unusual appliances to make everyone's life easier, but the invention that sells the most is the mayonnaise power converter he named “Tina” in her memory. The end.